«Le jour où une femme cesse de demander votre affection, c’est le jour où elle ne veut plus se battre…»

Laura Mazza vient de poster une histoire sur le réseau social Instagram et le texte a été repris par le site Love What Matters. Il s’agit d’un message adressé à tous les hommes que tous les couples devraient lire pour se rappeler l’essentiel.

« Vous savez ce que les mères veulent vraiment? Bien sûr, les fleurs sont belles et les cadeaux sont spéciaux, mais ce que nous voulons est assez simple…

Nous voulons être vues et nous voulons être choisies.

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To the mother who puts her children in childcare so she can have some days to herself, I applaud you. To the mother who gets her children babysat so she can drink wine with her friends, I applaud you. To the mother who gets her nails done, her hair done and puts herself first once in a while, I applaud you. To the mother who takes anti depressants, herbals or whatever helps her become a better mother, I applaud you. To the mother who takes time for herself, I applaud you. Because if we listened to all the people who told us we were shit for doing the things we are allowed to do, that we should do, that is important for us to do – that they do (but don’t say that do) – we would be miserable. 5 years ago I nearly took my life because those things made me feel so guilty. The division of being a mother and still being me was so strong that I felt I wasn’t good enough at either. But I realised I could be me and be a mother and no ones opinion mattered but my children’s and my own. That opinion alone saved my life. So take the time for you mama, you are a person and you matter. Your mental health and well-being matters. Because your children deserve to grow up and have their mother who is happy and can give them the love they deserve because she has it for herself. You’ve got this, because you’ve always had it. ❤️ #postnataldepressionawarenessweek #ppdawareness #pndaawarenessweek #postnatalanxiety

Une publication partagée par Laura Mazza BAppSc(Psych) MSW (@itslauramazza) le

Ce jouet que nous avons ramassé, le repas que nous avons préparé, cette collation de fin de soirée, le changement du rouleau de papier toilette et le remplissage du savon. Les rendez-vous que nous prenons, les activités que nous créons. Les efforts que nous faisons pour que la journée se déroule comme prévu. Nous voulons que tout cela soit vu. Nous voulons que cela soit remarqué. Pour être appréciées.

Lorsque nous demandons de l’aide et que vous pensez que c’est harcelant, prenez le temps de penser que nous avons besoin de vous. Nous avons besoin de vous dans notre équipe. Si vous voyez ce gâchis sur le sol, n’attendez pas qu’elle le ramasse, n’attendez pas qu’elle perde patience. Aidez la. Elle a besoin de vous. Changez cette ampoule quand vous dites que vous allez le faire. En faisant ce que vous avez dit, vous gagnerez sa confiance.

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There are 5 things I learned when staring at the edge of divorce with a man I desperately love 1. He is not a mind reader. I can’t expect him to know I want help with the dishes. Or that I wanted my day to go a certain way. That he hurt me and didn’t respond to it the way I expected, and my resentment built. He learned I’m not a mind reader either and I don’t know if he’s exhausted or wants a minute. So in order to function, we have to COMMUNICATE about everything; how we feel, what we want. 2. Expectations. Having tasks expected of me or him doesn’t work. Especially if it’s expected of me to cook and clean and responsibility of the children fall on me… because what happens on the days I can’t do it? Or the days I feel like I’ve failed? Or if I get a job? Or if he can’t work? And vice versa. Our house is our job. Our children are our job. It’s equal. 3. Trust is everything, but so is vulnerability. I am not a perfect wife. I get jealous. I’ve snooped through his phone. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. I have insecurities. I worry I’m not good enough. I’ve been cheated on. I’m a child of divorce. Of abuse. I know how relationships can go. I know broken. But to have a partner who understands my vulnerability, that I express to him through communicating, who sees my anguish as an opportunity to help me heal and to encourage me to go on a journey through therapy to heal on my own, is everything. We trust each other because we built trust. Blind trust doesn’t come natural for some. 4. Perfection It’s not real. This photo has filters on it. Much of what we compare in life does. But our truth is what matters, we can’t compare it to others’. Love happens but so does life. White knights and rose petals falling from the sky are for movies. Fighting, tears, vomit, laughing till 3am, Netflix, ignoring each other on our phones and farting in front of each other, is real life. 5. It’s never too late to say i’m sorry, or I love you. I chose love and a life with him, pride has no place in love.

Une publication partagée par Laura Mazza BAppSc(Psych) MSW (@itslauramazza) le

Si nous nous battons pour votre amour, que nous vous disons que nous voulons des câlins, que nous voulons passer du temps avec vous, que nous avons besoin de vous pour nous choisir, prenez cela comme un signe que nous vous aimons beaucoup et que nous vous choisissons. Le jour où une femme cesse de demander votre affection, c’est le jour où elle ne veut plus se battre. Voyez ses efforts et choisissez-la.

N’attendez pas que les enfants aient 18 ans pour la sortir, faites-le maintenant. Voyez-la pour sa beauté, son rire que vous aimiez tant, rappelez lui cette chose qui vous a fait tomber amoureux d’elle. Voyez la femme dont vous êtes tombé amoureux.

Quand elle essaie de vous dire quelque chose et que les enfants grimpent sur elle sans la laisser parler, montrez-leur l’exemple en leur demandant d’attendre. Apprenez-leur que sa voix est importante et mérite d’être entendue. Posez votre téléphone, regardez-la et écoutez.

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From a mother: Today I was defeated. I was woken up early and everything was demanded of me. The truth is, I’m stressed. There’s so much swimming through my head but no second to allow me to think it through, it’s always disrupted by demands. I tried to make a doctors appointment and my toddler screamed and took my phone off me. My toddlers fought and snatched toys while I tried to make lunches. They fussed for what to eat. They spilled food, they threw and broke things. I tried to dress the kids and it took an hour. An hour! In the end I screamed and yelled and took My toddler by the wrist to get dressed. He cried. I dressed him, then I cried. I told him I was sorry and he told me to hold him gently next time. That he loved me. I felt worthless. I felt lonely. Today I was defeated. I cried, but tomorrow I will try and be a better mother. I hope they know I’ll always try. From a toddler: today I woke up early, I was excited the sun was up. I wanted to play with Mummy. Mummy looked sad and tired.. so I wanted to jump on her to make her happy. My sister kept touching my toys. She was very naughty and kept crying and Mummy got mad that I didn’t want to give them to her, but they’re mine and I wanted to build something special. I was trying to sing a song when she was on her phone. I wanted her to listen to my song so badly. Mummy took off my pyjamas, and I thought it was time to play chasey. I like running naked and usually Mummy tickles me but today she looked tired. She made a noise and sat on the floor calling to me and my sister. Then she started to call louder and louder and then she got mad and made me get dressed. I didn’t like it and I told her to be nice next time, this made Mummy cry and she said sorry. I said sorry too. I love my mummy and she loves me. Tomorrow will be better when the sun comes up. I will try and be better. I will try and be a good boy for Mummy. I hope she knows that I’ll always try

Une publication partagée par Laura Mazza BAppSc(Psych) MSW (@itslauramazza) le

Montrez-lui que vous êtes de son côté, que si elle agit de façon folle et dit qu’elle veut aller sur la lune, soyez la personne qui l’aidera à construire une fusée. Soyez son amie. Soyez son soutien. Faites partie de son équipe.

Tenez sa main, quand elle est à son meilleur et même quand elle est à son pire, que ce soit mentalement ou physiquement et remarquez la.

Voyez la et choisissez la. À travers les hauts et les bas et entre les deux. À travers les mauvais et les bons moments. Le fatiguant et l’amusant. Choisissez-la, chaque seconde, chaque minute et chaque jour. »

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You know what mothers really want on Valentine’s Day? (And every other day?) sure, flowers are nice and gifts are special, but what we want is pretty simple. We want to be seen and we want to be chosen. That toy we picked up, the meal we cooked, that late night feed, changing the toilet paper roll and filling up the soap. The appointments we make, the activities we create. The shit we do to keep the day together. We want it to be seen. We want it to be noticed. To be appreciated. When we ask for help, and you think it’s nagging, take a second to think we need you. We need you on our team. If you see that mess on the floor don’t wait for her to pick it up, don’t wait until she loses her shit. Help her. She needs you. Change that light bulb when you say you will. Doing what you said you’d do builds trust. If we fight for your love, we tell you we want cuddles, that we want to spend time with you, that we need you to choose us, take it as a sign that we love you so much and are choosing you. The day a woman stops asking for your affection is the day that means she doesn’t want to fight anymore. See her effort and choose her. Don’t wait until the kids are 18 to go on dates, do it now. See her for her beauty, the laugh that you loved, remind her about that thing that made you fall in love with her. See the woman you fell in love with. When she’s trying to tell you something and the kids are climbing all over her and not letting her speak, show them the example by asking them to wait. Teach them that her voice is important and worthy to be heard. Put your phone down, look at her and listen. Show her you’re on her side, that if she acts crazy and says she wants to fly to the moon, be that person that will help her build a rocket ship. Be her friend. Be her support. Be her cheer squad. Hold her hand, when she’s at her best and even when she’s at her worst, whether it’s mentally or physically and notice her. See her, and choose her. Through the highs and the lows, and all in between. Through the shit times and the good. The tiring and and the fun. Choose her, Every second, every minute and every day.

Une publication partagée par Laura Mazza BAppSc(Psych) MSW (@itslauramazza) le

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